Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
