i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
There's even glitter on my cock...
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