Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
