even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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