try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
