I seem to have left my pride at pride
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
