The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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