You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
