I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
