Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
