Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
