Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
