Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
