you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
