have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
