We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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