I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
