i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
