There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
