I feel great
I just peed on a car
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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