I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
