Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize