I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can Purell be used as lube?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
