Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Im part way to drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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