i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
