the new term for farting is butt boxing.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I love having hate sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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