Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
