Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
