Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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