i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
