I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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