Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
