I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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