On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
