and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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