Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
