there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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