Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
