I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
