Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
