He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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