after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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