i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
