garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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