Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
