she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
