I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
