she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
