It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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