Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
