Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize