Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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