My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
