pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
