honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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