Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Randomize
