Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
