K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
