I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
