Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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