I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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