i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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