My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
