he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
