i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
