You're completely useless in the revolution.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
