My liver just broke up with me...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
