winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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