We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
